New Mother's Day Tradition

As I was laying in bed this morning God gave me a great idea for a new Mother’s Day tradition. I then prayed He would bring to mind all the wonderful things about each of my children and my husband. At breakfast as we were all gathered around the table I told each of my children how honored I felt to be their Mother. I could tell each of my children were eagerly awaiting it to be their turn, knowing that they were going to be affirmed, wondering what their Mother found uniquely special and wonderful about them.

My oldest daughter, Hannah (9) had tears in her eyes as I spoke into her little heart. Things she thought went unnoticed, indeed were noticed, appreciated and celebrated in front of the whole family. The treasures her Mother found in her made her sit a little taller and made her smile grow a little bigger with each affirmation. My husband listened intently, thinking the affirmations would stop at the last child. I could tell he was proud of what was taking place and agreed with the gold I had found in each child.

Then I turned to my husband and began, “And I am so thankful and honored that you are the Father of my children because…” He sat there quietly, not daring to interrupt. Receiving everything I offered. I realized at that moment I don’t do this nearly enough. He was hanging on every word. These wonderful, beautiful people I come in contact with every day of the week, who see me at my best and definitely at my worst and still love me, do they hear enough why I think so highly of them?  No, not nearly enough. But today they will.

The looks on their faces! Little hearts like sponges for words of affirmations, soaking up every morsel of sweet truth about how wonderful they are. What an incredible breakfast we shared this morning. I don’t know who’s hearts were more filled, theirs or mine. You know, a powerful thing happens when you concentrate on people’s strengths and you put those strengths on display for all to see and honor. I found myself more in love with my children and my husband today after thinking on and verbalizing these unique qualities they each possess. What a gift, I gave to them. What a gift, I gave myself.

The wonderful thing about this Mother’s Day Tradition is that I don’t have to wait until next Mother’s Day to do it again. Do you want to have a “Happy” Mother’s Day today? Maybe you can try our new Mother’s Day tradition and make it your own. You will be blessed and your heart will be full. You will look back on today and see it as a truly Happy Mother’s Day. God bless you friends! God bless you Mothers!

The Healthy Marriage: Finding Gold.

Catch him in the act of doing something good and praise him for it!!!

Okay so no one is perfect, I so get that. I could easily, sooo easily say that about myself. We, wives are not perfect and neither are our hubbies. Let’s face it some things they do can down right bug us. You know what I’m talking about clothes on the floor when the laundry basket is at arms reach, leaving hair clippings on the sink, tracking in dirt on a clean floor, or maybe something more serious like not talking to you respectfully, etc. Keep this in mind when you find yourself getting annoyed with your husband 1) It doesn’t take a genius to find the faults in another human being, look for the gold in him instead. 2) Catch him in the act of doing some thing you like and then 3) Praise him for it!

For example, if you are frustrated that he forgets to pick up something of his on the floor, instead of nagging him to pick it up catch him when he is putting the clothes away and praise him in a sweet and sincere tone like this, “Wow, I really appreciate you picking that up, thanks!” It can be as simple as that. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have open communication about hurts or frustrations, but if you’ve already talked about it and you haven’t gotten the results you are looking for try this technique.

To recap: Stop nagging, catch him in the act of doing what you like and praise him!

Men really desire praise and adoration from their wives. If you praise them, they will start to find ways to be praiseworthy. Try it and see for yourself.

The Healthy Marriage: Freshen Up!

Most men spend a lot of time away from home, providing for you and your family. If you are a stay at home mom, this is even more important: Dress for your man! The way he sees you before he’s off to work is the last image of his bride before he hits a plethora of decisions. He is surrounded by others, women who are dressed and fresh, putting on their best face for who knows who. So you may not be all together in the morning but if you are freshened up when he comes home from work, it helps make up for the afro in the morning. When he comes home and is greeted by someone who cares enough to put herself together for her man, what a difference that makes to him.

Now I'm not saying men are superficial and they are gonna go out and have an affair simply because you are not always put together, I'm just challenging you make yourself something desirable to come home to. Remember marriage is about giving.

My thought, totally secure in the love of my marriage is this: I want the image in my husband’s head of me to be lovely.

It’s not hard, no matter what season you are in, to get dressed, put your hair up and put a dab of lipstick on, and don’t forget the perfume. If you don’t wear makeup, you probably have a little clear lip gloss somewhere (or get some and get a little mascara while you're at it). If you are truly al natural rub some coconut oil on your lips (while you’re at it rub some on your arms and legs too. Smooth silky skin is always a nice touch). You may love those comfy sweat pants but change them right before he walks through the door!

There is obviously plenty of time to let your hair down and to lounge together. I am simply encouraging you to honor him by attempting to look pleasing when he walks through that door. Put yourself in his shoes, would you like to come home to a man who looks sloppy and excuses it with all the drama he has faced during the day? I think not, I wouldn’t. So don't look haggard, even if you feel that way. You'll feel better when you put yourself together, I promise.

And one last tid bit...take a shower before you go to bed. You'll sleep better for one, but for two, it's so much easier to cuddle and be intimate when you feel and smell fresh. Also a shower can help wake you up a bit if you're tired or have had a long day. It's kinda a bummer when you are trying to have intimate time and you fall asleep. Ouch! Perfume is a nice touch before bed too. It helps make you feel fresh and sexy and it can help get his attention too. And one final thing, brush your teeth; make your breath fresh. I know that's like, "duh" but still, had to say it. Who likes to kiss someone who has bad breath. Not me!

Leave the excuses out of it, and fresh up. You’ll feel better about yourself and he will too! :) Love you Ladies!

The Healthy Marriage. It's all about giving.

I am passionate about marriage! I want everyone to have an amazing marriage and I want to see those who don’t, be healed and restored. I want those who are contemplating marriage to be as prepared as possible.

My blogs about marriage are going to be all about challenging you to be the best spouse you can be, regardless of who you have to live with.

A word for today for those who are single: Marriage is about giving. If you are not ready to give, then you are not ready for marriage. A good marriage is hard work but the rewards are incredibly satisfying!

A word for those who are married: Marriage is about giving. Don't fall into the trap of counting who's giving what, you start. Healthy giving has boundaries. I'm encouraging you to be a healthy person who gives within healthy boundaries. Work on being the best person you can be. Would you want to be married to you?

Giving can take many shapes:

• Get freshened up before he walks through the door (this means get dressed, tidy your hair and throw some lipstick and perfume on. He's your man, you still need to woo him).
• Give him a sweet smile when talking to him; give him a happy wife.
• Give your time by genuinely listening to how his day went, without dumping all your daily drama on him the second he walks through the door.
• Give him a tasty dinner; food (many a cranky man is just hungry or thirsty: feed the poor guy!)
• Give him affirmations, honor and respect (afterall, you chose him above everybody else).
• Give him "guy time" without manipulation or guilt.
• Give him a few moments of "unwind time" after a long day of work; don't put him to work the second he walks through the door.
• Give him a nag-free wife (turn that finger back to you and start there first), this includes sometimes just being quiet when all you want to do is criticize.
• Give him a clean house; pick up after him without complaining (view it as a way to love).
• Give him intimate time (many men are simply starving for this).
• Give him caresses as you walk past him; give him sweet, loving touches.

Challenge: Pick at least 1 way to give, from the list above and do it today!

Up for a bigger challenge? Pick something from the list everyday and practice giving intentionally for at least a week.

A good marriage is hard work, but you CAN do it!

You are awesome, now let him see that! :)

Boundaries: Chpt. 2 -What Does a Boundary Look Like?

Wow, this chapter is very full. No way to summarize it. So many amazing, thought-provoking points. You gotta read this book!

Really take a few moments as you read and let these quotes sink in. They are meaty.

• "...boundaries define your soul, and they help you to guard it and maintain it."

• "Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me."

• "Boundaries are not walls."

• "Making decisions based on others' approval or on guilt breeds resentment."

• "Feelings should neither be ignored nor placed in charge."

• "Your feelings are your responsibility and you must own them and see them as your problem so you can begin to find an answer to whatever issue they are pointing to.

• "To rescue people from the natural consequences of their behavior is to render them powerless."

• "...setting internal limits. We need to have spaces inside ourselves where we can have a feeling, an impulse, or a desire, without acting it out. We need self-control...we need to be able to say no to ourselves."

• "Our ability to give and respond to love is our greatest gift."

• "Many people have difficulty giving and receiving love because of hurt and fear. Having closed their hearts to others they feel empty and meaningless."

• "Many people do not take ownership for how they resist love."

See what I mean? Deep, thought-provoking stuff. If any of these things jump out at you, the book really goes into much greater detail on each of these points and so many more.

Stay tuned...up next is Boundary Problems in Chpt. 3. Don't fret, we'll get to the bottom of them and onto the practical "how to" (have healthy boundaries) soon!

Boundaries: Chpt. 1

Boundaries

by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

I've always been passionate about learning more about healthy relationships and seeing breakthrough in ones that are struggling. I have decided to get out and reread the infamous book, Boundaries. Feel free to read it along with me. I will be posting somethings I find interesting from each chapter. It may be in the form of quotes or just my thoughts on a concept.

I'll start with two snip bits from Chapter 1. Here we go!

Chapter 1:

"People-pleasing efforts don't seem to bring the intimacy we need."

"Just as homeowners set physical property lines around their land, we need to set mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual boundaries for our lives to help us distinguish what is our responsibility and what isn't."

Be Thrifty & Creative: Recycle Glass

Some of my recycled containers

Before throwing out that marinara jar, peanut butter jar, honey jar, jelly jar, olive oil bottle, syrup bottle or anything else that's glass, think of a way you can reuse it.

I love glass containers. Is that weird? Probably, but I don’t care. I feel guilty when I throw away something in a glass bottle or jar. There has got to be something I can use this magnificent thing for. Ok, I’m not that in love with glass, but I do often wonder how I can reuse them.

Okay, so they are not that glorious in this stage but wait, you can transform them...

Some ideas you can use these containers for:

• Canning fruits or veggies (with new lids)
• Soaking or sprouting seeds, nuts, or grains
• Storing honey, sugar, or other types of food you may buy in bulk
• Display colored pencils, pens, markers, crayons
• Store or display office supply stuff like paperclips, rubber bands, erasers
• Candy jars
• Penny jars for change you always find (can be used as a family change jar and when full, go on a date together)
• Reuse the vase that held those beautiful flowers sent to you in the mail as a vase (brilliant I know), but you can also use it for other things too. I use my glass vases for watering my celery stalks (to keep the celery crisp) and I also use them for holding my rubber spatulas.

Here is my process:

Today I was on my way to tossing a glass bottle that once contained soy sauce. It had such a fun shape. Then wait, the thought came to me, “Why not re-use this bottle for salad dressing, or syrup or honey or something that flows?”

So I took off the label…ugh, not so fun. I did learn though that if you use cold water (not hot as it will make the glue a mess) and vinegar, the glue does come off with a little elbow grease (effort). So now I have this beautiful clear glass jar to use.

Turn your empty containers into something fun and useful!

Happy Recycling!