Principle 1: Have a good attitude. Your children learn their attitudes about work from your attitude towards it, make sure they see a good attitude! If you are bent out of shape because you have to clean the kitchen, how do you think they will act when they have to empty the trash? Yep, they are little sponges and you set the tone of your family.
Tips to help parents break free from bad attitudes about work:
- Tip 1: Change the way you view work. If you have an attitude problem with work (like I used to have with cleaning the kitchen) here is a helpful tip that I used to free myself from that bad attitude. First pray that you will view work as a way to LOVE your husband and family. Then as you work say, "I love my husband. I love my family. I choose to do this with a good attitude because I love." If you view it as a way to love it is so much easier to enjoy work than if you view it as punishment.
- Tip 2: Right actions produce right attitudes. Physically do something fun while working. Sing a fun song. Turn on up-beat music and dance as you clean. Smile. You might be surprised to discover how much easier it is to clean when you smile or dance.
**LET THE KIDS SEE YOUR GOOD ATTITUDE WHILE WORKING.**
You can even tell them that you have had a bad attitude in the past, but now you view it as serving and loving their Daddy and the rest of the family.
See the smile on Papa's face?
He is getting something done and with a good attitude
(and allowing her to help; no wonder she enjoys working with him).
Principle 2: Teach. You must actually teach each new chore or task. They need your help doing a new chore or task several times before expected to do it on their own. It's too overwhelming for children to do a new task without help or instruction. They don't know where to begin and they don't know what you expect. They need to know how to clean the toilet before you just assign them that chore. They need to know where dishes go before they are expected to put them away. Don't just expect them to know how to do things because you think they've seen you do it. Show them what rags are ok to use and what product you use, how many times you spray the product and where, where things are to be put away, etc. Do the chore with them a few times before you have them do it alone.
Teaching tips:
- Tip 1: Be Pleasant: While teaching you must be pleasant, so smile. I know I mentioned this earlier, but your attitude is so important while you are actually teaching them a new chore. Let them enjoy being around you while you work together.
- Tip 2: Be Patient: Slow down to teach them how to clean or do a task. This may take a while to grasp. This is the area that I had the hardest time with. When they are little they want to be with you, they want to help...LET THEM! If you do, they will want to help when they are older. You may have rationalized that it takes you much less time to clean the house by yourself. You may have even scheduled your cleaning around the times when your children are gone. Although tempting, when you do this you are actually hurting both yourself and your children by not teaching them how to clean up after themselves or contributing to the well being of the household. It produces selfish, lazy children and worn out parents. If you invest in this work of teaching now you will have more energy to be a good parent and your children will be happy, competent blessings to you and their future families. Pay the price now, you and your children will reap a huge harvest if you do! Prepare yourself that it will take longer initially to have them do a chore than it would take you to do it and the finished product will not look as good either, initially. That will help you be patient in the process. Start on a weekend when you know you have adequate time to focus on teaching. Then start by teaching them one or two new things. Baby steps are good, you can do it!
She wanted to try to use the shop-vac like the adults.
Even though we were anxious to get the job done, I was glad we slowed down, taught her how to use it, and let her be apart of the process.
Principle 3: Affirm. Create positive associations with work/learning by using genuine and positive affirmations. If you affirm them for being helpful, hard workers, etc. and/or show you are impressed and thankful, you will instill a positive association with helping the family. As you continue to teach them and give them opportunities to practice they will eventually become more competent. If after they have completed a new task, you burst their bubble with lots of critiques they will not want to do it again for fear of not measuring up or doing it wrong (I have learned the hard way on this one). So keep your critiques to yourself at first and then affirm affirm affirm while teaching them to become more thorough.
"Good job. I see you really scrubbed hard. Watch Mommy now and see if you can do it like this. Wow, that's it. Good job! Do you see any more smudges on the sink that we missed? That's right! You are so smart. Here's the rag, let's see if you can erase those marks on your own. You did it. You are so good at this. I love when you help Mommy."
He wanted to vacuum, even though this vacuum was too heavy for him. I didn't expect him to actually vacuum the whole room or even do it well. He wanted to do it, so I gave him some pointers and let him go to it. I praised him and said he was so strong.
Result: He felt good that he could muscle it and wants to do it again.
Principle 4: Make it fun. When teaching a new chore or task: Make work and learning FUN. If you make it punishment they will avoid it like the plague. Turn on fun music. Enjoy each other's company. Once they learn the chore, you can make it a game too. Set a timer see if they can clean it well, in the allotted time. Tell them to go outside and see how big a pile they can make raking the leaves and then tell them when they are finished they can jump in it. Be creative and have fun!
Our kids LOVE working with Grandpa. He calls them his, "Worker Buddies."
Principle 5: Assign chores/tasks that are age appropriate. Although it is important to challenge your children, if you give them a chore or task that is too advanced for them for their age or maturity level it will be overwhelming. There will be more tears than smiles. While my first child could handle cleaning the kitchen at 7, my second child who is now 7 is very overwhelmed by the kitchen. Your expectations must be age and maturity appropriate. If they are struggling, alter your expectations. While you wouldn't give a 3 year old the chore of unloading the whole dishwasher, he can unload the children's plastics and put them away in a low cupboard.
They are both doing different levels of detailed work.
My 7 yr. old would be overwhelmed with the job my 9 yr. old is doing above
but feels great about the detailed work assigned specifically for her level.
Notice, both are smiling!
Chores/Tasks Examples:
Little Ones can sit in the kitchen sink and "wash" the lettuce that is going to go into the salad. They can sit on the floor or table with you and pour a pre-measured cup of oats in a mixing bowl for the dessert you are making. You can put all your plastic containers in a bottom cupboard and they can "organize" it.
- Tip 1: Keep younger children with you while doing dishes, cooking or cleaning. Little Ones LOVE being with you. Slow down and talk to them about what you are doing. Work can be play and quality time.
Expect food to be eaten in the process. :)
Toddlers and older children can help in the kitchen too by using special kitchen appliances like the food processor or blender.
See the smile? He feels like a "big boy" to be "in charge" of the food processor.
She feels older (equals: happy) because I am not hovering over her every move.
I gave directions or she read them herself and I told her to "go for it".
Result: She feels empowered.
He feels like a "big boy" because he is working with Papa.
He is not being treated as a little boy, but like someone who's help is valuable.
He is also learning that we take care of our things so we can enjoy them later.
Of course I will come out and make a big deal about how impressed I am that he is such a hard worker and how the boat sparkles now that he has worked on it.
Result: A healthy pride in a job well-done and a clean boat!
Children are more capable than you think. When you teach them that they are capable and that you trust them, they will ask to do bigger tasks. Hannah got this sewing desk for Christmas and she wanted to put it together by herself. We gave her the power tools. Gave her a lesson on how to use them helped her get started and off she went.
Result: A happy, empowered girl with a sturdy sewing desk.
You might be surprised to know that if you make working/learning fun, they may even ask to do a job or offer to do your chore so you can do something else. Papa was going to mow the lawn but Hannah insisted that she could do it! Look behind her too, Malachi (3) is helping Papa work. So important, Papa is allowing him to work along side him.
Result: HAPPY FAMILY
